My First Love
By Lolae Joline Lambert

Love… How do I know it’s you? That is the question of the ages. We in America love everything. We love ice-cream, television, internet, skating, golfing, children, spouses, parents, and even sometimes siblings.  The word love encompasses all types and degrees of the emotion, if in fact it is pure emotion, and not decision.  Oh, how we love to love!
The Greeks had four words for love, Agape, Eros, Philia, and Storge.

Agape is unconditional love. It means no matter what you say or do I will love and be loved.  It is the greatest and most powerful love and many Christians use it to describe God’s love for them. It is the type of love that as humans we find the most difficult to give or accept. How do you love the unlovable?  Knowing you are imperfect and unworthy creatures makes it difficult to accept this kind of love, but in doing so, we find something so pure and sacred it is like the famous candy bar indescribable.  Still even if we can manage to give or take this kind of love, it is watered down in words because we simply say “I love you” not “I agape you and you agape me.”

Eros love is easier but a little more complicated. It usually is referred to when we are speaking of intimate, sensual, passionate and longing love. It is portrayed often in films and television shows.  However, it can exist in a simpler form as in a great friendship or a solid marriage. It allows us to see beauty in people that go beyond the physical.  It is that love we feel in finding a soul mate. But, we must be careful. Since this type of love is so personal, and sensual, it sometimes arrives like a strong wind on a windy day and dies out with the first calm.

Philia love is all about friendship and affection. It is a dispassionate virtuous love, including loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. It is a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers.

Storge means "affection" in Ancient and Modern Greek. It is natural affection, like that felt by family for other family members. Its focus is on acceptance even to the point of “putting up with” people.

Would it make a big difference if we used the specific terms for each love when we spoke? Maybe, it might clarify a few relationships, but as a nation in love with love, I suspect it would serve to dampen all the delusions of loving relationships.

How do I know if it is the real love? May I suggest that real deep committed love will have many varying combinations of all four? May I, also, suggest that we strive to use all types available in our lifetimes? But most importantly, may I suggest we love ourselves first. Nothing can go forth and shine if it is not lit from within.  Maybe this year  you should give yourself the gift of love. Do what makes your heart sing and don’t wait for someone else to light your fire.